Humor can be a powerful tool in difficult relationships and conflict situations, but it must be used carefully and thoughtfully.
Imagine this situation: All day, the confrontation has been simmering. The office seems to be holding its breath in anticipation of what will happen next as the fighters are at a critical juncture. They're prepared for some very strong words. The last thing they expect is for one of the key players in the conflict to open their mouth and… make a joke?
Though it might not seem like a way to end the argument, laughter is much more than just the cliched "best medicine." How? First of all, laughter may defuse tension, which is precisely what's required to regain perspective, forge closer relationships, and yes, sometimes smooth over the differences.
So how then can humor be used to resolve conflicts?
Creating a safe space for expression: According to Gottman and Silver (1999), humor can be a factor in diffusing tension during conflicts. Humor may provide others with a more palatable (more humorous and less serious) form of support (Nezlek & Derks, 2001). This in turn can help create a safe space for expressing difficult emotions.
Verify that everyone is "in on the joke." You're inviting people to laugh with you instead of laughing at them when you keep your humour appropriate and don't make fun of the other person in the process. How can you tell if you’re doing it right? Since humour can be difficult, the only way to know if you're doing it right is to see how the other person responds. If they’re not laughing, chances are they don’t find it funny. Stop! It's crucial to be aware of the context and the other person’s feelings. If one partner is deeply hurt or angry, humor might be perceived as dismissive or minimizing the seriousness of the issue.
Check the reason behind using humor. If you’re using humor to mask emotions that you’d rather not deal with right now, then it’s time to reconsider the use of humor. Stop right away and consider what it is you're not addressing and why.
Practice your sense of humour. A skilled comedian can read their audience. The same is true when joking around with someone else, particularly when there is already tension present. Be mindful of nonverbal clues. What language are you using? Keep the tone positive and light, and mean it. Never use jokes as a means of unkindness.
Be Playful! A little bit of silly fun is a good thing. Explore humor in ways so that you always have a repertoire to fall back on. Discover your playful side and nurture it with imagination. It may take practice to be funny. Keep at it, and you’ll find your natural sense of humor, and be able to tap into it when you need to.
Knowing When to Be Serious: While humor can be beneficial, it’s important to balance it with seriousness when discussing important issues. People need to feel heard and understood, so it’s crucial to address the root of the conflict directly as well.
In summary, humor, when used with care, can be an effective way to manage conflict, strengthen relationships, and foster a more positive atmosphere. However, it's essential to be mindful of its potential to backfire if misused or poorly timed.
References
- Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Three Rivers Press.
- Nezlek, J. B., & Derks, P. L. (2001). Use of humor as a coping mechanism, psychological adjustment, and social interaction. Humor: International Journal of Humor Research, 14(4), 395-413.
This post is for informational purposes only. It should not be considered therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local doctor/psychologist or psychiatrist or the SADAG Mental Health Line on 011 234 4837. If necessary, please phone the Suicide Crisis Line on 0800 567 567 or sms 31393.