To add to our blog post yesterday about abuse- here is a checklist for you to see if you are maybe being abused in a relationship.
Please mark if any of the statements is true in your life and relationship – whether you are the one doing it or if you are on the receiving end. Please remember that each and every one of the following statements is a form of abuse and is illegal.
Physical abuse
Scratching, punching, biting, strangling or kicking
Throwing something at you like phone, shoe or plate
Pulling of hair
Grabbing clothing
Using gun, knife or other weapon
Pushing or pulling you
Smacking your bottom
Grabbing your face to look at them
Pointing a finger at your face
Making a person purposefully uncomfortable (opening window or removing blanket)
Grabbing you to prevent you from leaving or force you to go somewhere
Emotional/verbal/psychological abuse
Calling you names or putting you down
Yelling or screaming at you
Intentionally embarrassing you in public
Telling you what to do and wear
Blaming your actions for their abusive behavior
Accusing you of cheating and often being jealous of your outside relationships
Stalking you
Threatening to leave you or to threaten to commit suicide to keep you from leaving
Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about
Threatening to expose secrets
Starting rumors about you
Threatening to have your children taken away
Telling you that you are unwanted, stupid, unattractive, incapable
When you are made feeling scared, intimidated or insane
Withholding important information or excluding you in decision making
Disrupting your sleep, denying personal space and constant interrogation
When someone is putting you in danger by driving too fast or acting irresponsible
Sexual abuse
Unwanted kissing or touching
Unwanted rough or violent sexual activity
Rape or attempted rape
Refusing to use condoms or restricting birth control
Keeping someone from protecting themselves for sexual transmitted diseases
Sexual contact with someone who is drunk, drugged, unconscious or otherwise unable to give clear consent
Threatening someone into unwanted sexual activity
Pressuring someone to have sex or perform sexual acts
Using sexual insults toward someone
Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity
Financial abuse
Giving you an allowance and closely watching what you buy
Placing your salary in their account and denying to access to it
Keeping you from seeing bank records
Forbidding you to work or limiting the hours that you do
Preventing you from going to work by taking your car or keys
Getting you fired by harassing you or coworkers on the job
Trying to obtain credit without your permission
Refusing to give you money for food, clothes or medicine
Using savings or children’s money without your knowledge
Spending money on themselves but not allowing you to do the same
Giving you presents and expecting you to somehow return the favor
Using money to hold power over you as they know you are not in the same financial situation
Social abuse/digital abuse
Tell you who you can or can’t be friends with in real life or on social media
Sends you negative, insulting or threatening texts, mails, Facebook messages
Uses social media like Facebook and others to check up on you
Puts you down in their status updates
Sends you unwanted, explicit pictures and demands that you do the same
Steals or insists that you give them your passwords
Constantly texts or call you and makes you feel you have to be available all the time
Looks through your phone or social media accounts
Show up at your home or any other place uninvited
Using other resources to track you like spyware, tracking devices, cameras etc.
Isolating you from family and friends and actively preventing you from contact with them.
Overly criticizing and being suspicious of your family and friends
Demanding to know where you are all the time
Criticizing your language, culture or spiritual beliefs and preventing you from practicing it
Damaging anything you use or own, like phones and household items
Ignoring physical or medical needs like nutrition, medicine or heating
If you or someone you love is abusing, get help. Speak to someone you trust - a friend or relative, a spiritual leader or elder, a doctor, or a social worker or psychologist in your area. You can also seek the help of an organization such as Lifeline Tel: (+27 11) 715-2000
(http://lifelinesa.co.za/) or People Opposing Women Abuse (https://www.powa.co.za/POWA/) tel:0116424346 or tel:0116424345
Open a criminal case, apply for protection and report ongoing abuse at your local police station.
This post is for informational purposes only. It should not be considered therapy. This blog is only for informational and educational purposes and should not be considered therapy or any form of treatment. We are not able to respond to specific questions or comments about personal situations, appropriate diagnosis or treatment, or otherwise provide any clinical opinions. If you think you need immediate assistance, call your local doctor/psychologist or psychiatrist or the SADAG Mental Health Line on 011 234 4837. If necessary, please phone the Suicide Crisis Line on 0800 567 567 or sms 31393.